You Are My Lobster

Awwww. How sweet is that? You are my lobster. I am yours. We have that forever kind of love. Why? Did you never watch "Friends"? How Phoebe says--

"Come on, you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what? You can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, you know, holding claws like..."

Coz lobsters mate for life. NOT!

Infact quite contrary to popular belief lobsters are a more mate-once-and-never-look-back-ever type of species. Actually if its a one night stand or a hook up is what you are looking for... then lobster is the metaphor you would want to use.

Why do we then keep referring to back to lobsters as symbols of undying love? Coz maybe there is something inherently charming about a hard-shelled fierce man falling hopelessly in love, and spending the rest of his life holding hands and walking around with his mate.

Just coz some scatter-brained fictitious character in some Sit-Com said this, we romantics just went ahead and believed it. I mean really have you even heard Phoebe's other theories? For example her theories of evolution, gravity, and whether or not her dead mother was reincarnated as a cat or not. 

Did we agree with any of those? Then why the lobster theory? Coz we like the way she shows old lobster couples holding claws. The idea makes us believe in that forever love. But alas the lobster theory is just that, a figment of Phoebe's fertile imagination.  

Please don't misunderstand me I love Phoebe. And whatever she says or does, she truly believes in them. But that doesn't mean we should shut our brain, right?

Why is it that our logic goes on a vacation when it comes to all matters of the heart? Why do we then throw all caution to the wind and start believing in everything? May be coz we all are hopeless romantics believing that there is and will be a happily ever after. 

But yeah all said and done... it does feel nice to say... "You are my lobster, and I am yours." Sounds much better than,"Let's have a one night stand, and get it over and done with."

Choices that we make...

One more bites the dust. 
One more Facebook Status update happens.
Once more we all say "RIP the brave ones" 
Once more we are all..."Oh! so proud to be Air force Wives." 
Once more we all "Feel" for the families. 
Once more we all pray for the brave ones.
Once more the nation feels proud of the IAF bravehearts

But all this... 

Not before another prayer goes up "Thank God its not my husband, brother, friend." In that exact order. 

Not before the news renders you strengthless to pick up the phone. 

Not before the buzzing in your ear stops from the surge of the blood to our brains. 

Not before you put yourselves in the wives' shoes. Thinking, "This could have been me."

Not before you rake your brain thinking who you can call to find out who it was. 

Not before any of these. 

We are all human. 

We all, even in the most panicked state, know what we want to hear and what we don't. 

Even before the phone is answered. 

When we know that we have the answer that we wanted to hear, only then do we go back to 

"Feeling for our brethren..."

To Thine Own Self Be True

I was reading stories of women in distress, in dysfunctional or abusive relationships. How they overcame their pathological urge to feign a happily ever after. All our lives we have been told that there is a special someone who is supposed to complete us. A sexy job which will make us what we are. That little black dress that will make us look perfect. 

So when we come face to face with a situation that is unfavorable to that belief, we just tend to close our eyes and wish it away. Be it a bad relationship or our ever expanding waist lines, or our never increasing pay check. We first need to be true to our selves and accept that we screwed up, or maybe things just didn't work out the way we always imagined them to. 

Only when we do that, will we ever be able bring our life back on track. 

It doesn't matter what the whole world, our closest friends or even our family think of us or tell us that we are going wrong. We should be able to stand in front of the bathroom mirror look our selves in the eye and say it aloud. Yeah, I screwed up. But I am ready to make amends. I will move on from here. I will be back with a bang. Coz I have a plan and this time my plan will work

The Bokeh, that is Life

I have always been told that I have major focus issues. That was always the talking point in all my PTA meetings. People who loved me smiled and said "But she is a Gemini. That's her USP." People who didn't like me said "She is so restless."

I have lived life without focus. It helps me stay interested in variety of things. The incessant need to have something ready before something else gets over, can be a source of constant pressure. 

When you are thinking like that. Some spillover is bound to happen. 

I am happy with my lack of focus. It helps me create a colorful bokeh of all my problems. They get mixed together and a beautiful picture forms. The picture that says...hey don't worry things will work out. 

I am also lucky to have two best friends who have as bad a focus issue as I. As a result of which bang in the middle of a serious discussion one of us will come up with something as random as -- "Ok listen, before I forget, we need to go get that red nailpaint that you have." Which will invariably make us break into nervous laughter, that will change to mad laughter. Which in turn, will convert tears of sadness into tears of laughter. 

People who think 10 things at the same time and flutter from one thing to another don't necessarily have focus issues, they just like looking at life with the lense that takes all their problems and dreams and turns them into a beautiful bokeh. 

Retail Therapy

"We've become a nation measuring out our lives in shopping bags and nursing our psychic ills through retail therapy." -- Chicago Tribune of Christmas Eve 1986

Psychic ills or what, I don't know. But I sure know the rush I feel when I buy something new. Be it for myself or my family. Or for the house. 

Modern day woman is on perpetual PMS. The men drive us up the gum tree at times (most times). They are just not equipped to handle these mood swings. Its no fault of theirs. I like to call it the "Y-Factor". They are designed to provide solutions. Hence every time they hear..."I am feeling low..." their first response is always... "Hmmm...have you figured out why? And how do you want to address the reason?"

So when they get the reply -- "I don't know why...I am just low." They just throw their hands up in the air and walk out. 

That's when the our girlfriends prescribe us retail therapy. 

I am amazed at how quickly my mood is uplifted when I shop. Be it a lip-scrub from Lush. Or a pair or trousers from AND. 

I get a high from grocery shopping as well. Don't smirk. I Know I am not alone. No I don't mean the run of the mill grocery that my mom buys from the neighborhood store. I mean elitist grocery from the gourmet stores like Nature's Basket etc. 

Hence I, today, I have shoes in my cupboard that I don't remember owning. I have clothes that still have their price tags on. I have two mascaras and a million kajals. Not to mention the drawer full of perfumes that are soon going to wear out their shelf life. 

But all said and done... When you are alone and feeling low... nothing better than retail therapy. All women I know will agree with me on this. 

The Usual

"Sometimes you want to go 

Where everybody knows your name, 
and they're always glad you came. 
You wanna be where you can see, 
our troubles are all the same 
You wanna be where everybody knows 
Your name." --- Theme song "Cheers"
 
When I heard this song for the first time (years back). I wanted to have that place. Where I will have "the usual." I found that place when I came to Bangalore. Toit. When I walk in I have my favorite bartender come up to me and say "Hey! Its been a long time. When are your Hyderabad friends joining you?" I will always have my "spot" all I need to do is signal the number of people with me. 

But the best part is I have "a usual" Cosmopolitan with a salt rim. Bartenders with cringe at the idea. But well, that's how I like my cosmo.

There is this elderly man who is always there sitting across the counter. With a polite nod acknowledging my presence. Or that irritating guy with the laptop who I avoid like a plague. But well the place is not the same without all these people. 

Having "a usual" is like having a membership to an elite club. So go ahead, visit someplace that you like, often enough to have your usual be it a drink/table/or even a fixed waiter. 

Reinvent... and Rejoice

As a kid I used to play this game of make believe with my best friend. It was quite funny. We would be two sisters, we would spend hours going through interior decoration books. Planning who will have which decor in their room. In our make believe world we each had palatial bungalows. The most intense and good looking and successful boyfriends. It was the world of dreams. A world, that as young teenagers, we imagined we will have when we grew up. Now we laugh at those days. 

I have always remained that child somewhere deep within. I read at some  bucket list of Things to do before one dies... that atleast once one should go to a new place and make up a different life story. I have done that. Its quite amazing. 

I have always been this person who is a traveler. Who moves cities just coz she wants to. Who lives an independent life minus all responsibilities. A gypsy. When people ask about me I can go on and on about this life. The narrative is quite opposite to my present life. Its fun to watch the look on people's faces when I do that. I even have a different name. Anamika. I, more often than not, am this feature writer with some newspaper. Some times I am a client service executive with a leading advertising company. In some life story I am an army brat. But in all those stories I am fiercely independent. 

Then when I am back from my vacation I get back to being the stay home mom that I am. Busy with household chores and my daughter's homework. After each reinvention of my life I am rejuvenated to take on my real life with more vigor. I let my imagination have wings. Its necessary to do that. Its needed to keep my sanity. To know that I still am a child capable of chasing the butterflies in my dreams.