When silence speaks it's the loudest noise that you can ever hear. And no, I am not talking about the silence at the dead of the night. I am talking about the silence in your head. The silence that comes not just after you stop talking but after your thoughts have also stopped talking as well. It's then that you can hear the silence in your head, in your mind.
What you hear then, is what your soul has to say.
Since the time I remember me, or anyone for that matter...my mentors, teachers, parents, neighbors all had only one complaint... "She is very talkative... She talks incessantly." I guess the reason for such verbal diarrhea,is my absolute hatred towards uncomfortable silence. All my life I have felt responsible to break the silence and keep the conversation flowing. I do it with elan too...
Which is also the reason why I always felt that silence is overrated. Until I reached the Vipasanna Meditation Center in Kolkata. My first thoughts were that I will die without talking... internet... and civilization.
Strangely though, I kept myself entertained with my myriad thoughts the first 3 days. However the 4th day all hell broke loose. I wanted to break all barriers and run away... I contemplated selling my watch for a phone from the neighborhood boys who I could see from the terrace. I contemplated stealing the volunteer's phone to call up my husband so as to just hear his voice.
By the time day 4 ended I was sure I will run away. And then came the 5th day... when my thoughts and all unrest in my head and mind died a slow painful death, and I started hearing the silence in my head. The silence that spoke a thousand words that I didn't hear as a gregarious talker.The words which were suppressed every time with my anecdotes and jokes and elaborate narratives... suddenly found a new lease of life.
I spent the next few days at the camp letting my silence have its own conversation with my thoughts. I went through a day or an afternoon of absolute forgiveness... wherein I admitted to myself to have wronged a number of people in my life. I think the biggest penance that one can do is accept ones own mistakes. That is always the first step. And a step in that direction is half the battle won.
The sounds of Silence that spoke to me in those 10 days at the camp might have moved me the most. Now that I am back to the reality. The noise of life may have suppressed the the voices of my soul... but somewhere inside my head I know that my soul is still alive and has the ability to wake up and tell me what I am doing wrong. I may and I know I will choose to ignore that feeble voice, but a day will come when I will have to pay attention to it. And act upon it. And then act I will! Until then... live in the moment.
