Sitting in my balcony alone, staring at the only constellation that I can see from my rocking chair. Ursa Minor, in Bengali we call it Saptarshi... the Seven Sages. Yeah, its the one with the Seven stars and shaped like a question mark. Right there in the summer sky looking down at us and challenging us to come up with answers to the questions life throws at us. It got me thinking about how I can keep sitting at the same place taking in the breeze... and the peace and quiet of an Air Force campus. Still not getting bored even for a second. Foundation of this lies in one word...
Satisfaction.
Satisfaction with what you have and enjoying what you have in your life. It is not a sign of weakness it just shows that you are comfortable in your own skin.
I am almost 41, I have stayed in 11 different cities in 10 different states in this country. Growing up as a single child was not easy. You don't always have a sibling to irritate the brains out of you or whose shoulders you can cry on. Single child can't always look for companionship in the form of hanging out with friends. Cause that would mean becoming a people pleaser, so they give you company. The day you become a people pleaser you lose track of your own existance. This I learnt really early on in my life. I learnt to amuse myself. I learnt to occupy myself with inane stuff.
God has been kind in giving me friends who will go to any lengths for me, and I for them. I thereby don't feel the need to be a people pleaser. I love being alone. Spending time with myself and my thoughts.
Boredom!
I have a very simple take on boredom. If you are bored in your own company... Wow! Imagine what people are going to go through then. We all have voids in our lives. I am happy with them. They give me time to understand myself better. Voids are the best thing that can happen to us. The desperate need to fill that void with random people is a sign of insecurity.
To be able to stand tall and say this is my belief and I stick to it... you like? Good for you! You don't? I couldn't care less.
Marriage- Spaces in Togetherness!
The prophet said "let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf."
Marriage is not the end of the road. Its is the beginning of our journey with our soulmate. Biggest mistakes most women make is thinking that the girl in them has to die to become a wife. Its not written anywhere that being a wife means we should kill the girl inside us. Keep the girl alive and the wife will glow.
Motherhood!
Taking time out to have a spa day... a weekend out with my girl friends in a quarter... makes me a bad mom? Most people think so. I have had ladies half my age come up to me and asking me to "spend some time at home" so I can be the textbook mommy.
You know what? Maybe you should switch off that TV and read a book to your child!
I go out... I have fun...I don't beat myself with guilt over it later on. I also stay up until 3 am doing my daughters project work. I know my daughter will grow up being spunky and not be a pushover. Coz what I do today my kid takes that to be sacrosanct! I am a woman first. Then a mom and wife...
I am me!
Yes, I am me... I will question your every decision and mine too. I have been brought up that way. Reasoning out and rationalizing everything. I am a little off in the head. I talk to myself. My mom is my best friend. I am not unsocial. But I am not gonna be nice to you just so I can call you my friend. I have friends that bitch on my face. I have been slapped across my face by my friends. But never stabbed behind my back. I laugh at myself. I don't usually get offended with what you say... coz you are not that important.
I totally understand that it is not possible to be universally liked/loved etc, however if I. being the way I am, have been able to touch even one life, and have been able to positively influence it, I would feel I have succeeded.
