It's Never About The Can Opener

He came home tired after a day of work. Harrowing meetings. Marketing targets. They can make any sane person to "Ka-Boom". She is juggling kids' homework, household chores and deadlines at her writing job. Dinner's not prepared. There was absolutely no time. 

He asks for dinner she says she has not made it. He looks for the can-opener to open the can of baked beans. 

These complicated can-openers!!! It slips from his hand and so does the half opened can of beans! 

URGH! Damn!

And there starts the huge argument.

He complains about the can opener. She screams about the fact that he is making a big deal out of nothing. He walks out of the house is a huff! She bangs the kitchen door, and gets back to the kids' homework.

On the face of it, they are fighting over a Can-Opener. But it's never really about the can opener. Is it?

Its about unrealistic expectations. About each of us feeling slighted. Its about how we all think that we are doing the major chunk of our duties, and that our partners are taking us for granted. At that moment to her the husband is the biggest jerk and an ogre. To him the wife is the complete witch. 

At times like these we, for the life of us, can't remember why we got married in the first place. 

This happens cause our brain tends to categorize memories much like the neighborhood library. When we are happy we will only remember the happy times. When sad, only the sad memories will come through. When angry, only all those memories that will feed our anger will surface. 

This is when we need to tell our brain to take a time out. Take a deep breath and try and switch off. No, not try and reconcile. Just switch off. Once the heat is cooled off and we revisit the catalyst that started the fight, we notice that it was such a non-issue. 

It's now a good time to sit and talk. And discuss what's really bothering us. A lot of times couples end up fighting not because we hate with other. But because either we are frustrated with the mundane day to day grilling that we call life, or cause we are just not able to take enough time out from our lives to be with each other. Our need to be with each other manifests itself in the form of petty arguments that end up spiraling into big fights. 

All couples, however busy our lives, need to take out that 30 minutes out of our lives to tell each other how much we miss each other or how much we really need each other to have a sane life. 

So next time we are in a fight, we just need to remember...It's Never Really About The Can Opener.