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Thursday, February 2, 2017

A True Marriage of Minds



On the 2nd of Feb 2002, 15 years ago , we made a choice. It was a choice that was the most important and significant. One that would shape our lives for years to come.

On that day, we chose to be life partners. At that time the decision seemed final and irrevocable.
Now, once I have spent 15 years with you I know a choice of a life partner is not a one time thing, it's a forever evolving and ongoing process.

Many times over the past 15 years, I have chosen you again. Faced with changes and alternatives, I have become aware again and again that a marriage lasts only if both partners prioritise each other and are friends.

Like every other couple our lives have been affected by highs and lows, I would be lying if I say that the thought of going in the opposite direction didn't occur to me.

It Did. But I did not.

The only reason I didn't was because no one in the past had ever and can ever in future elicit as many feelings of happiness, joy, love and madness as have you...

I have chosen you over all, and choose you still. Not because I feel obliged to take care of you, but because you take care of me. I live with you, move from one city to another, and from one house, that we make home, to another, not because a legal document binds us. I live with you, because there is nowhere else I would rather be than by your side.

I love you, but more than love, you are and will always be my best friend. 

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

The Bucket List



Time flew... searching short stories. 41st is almost here... and I realized that not too many of those short stories were worth it. Life is whizzing by... or am I running too fast and life is just standing at one place? Nevertheless... I have decided to take life by its collar... and make it keep pace with me. Mind and body need to be in sync and if they refuse to be... one of them needs to buck up or be left behind.  The latter is not acceptable. So the former has to work!

I hence sat and compiled a list of all that I thought I want up my sleeve by the time I am 45. May 23, 2021. That gives me 4+ yrs to make up for all the lost time.

Compiling a list of 45 before 45 :)

1. Read a classical novel in its entirety.

There are so many beautiful books out there... for years...waiting to be read. Where the language is perfect and the people dignified. The morbid 50 shades trilogy can wait and so can the Chetan Bhagats and the Mills and Boons.

Time to pick up one of those dusty yet evergreen books. My choice is Wuthering Heights. Someone who I don't wanna name once told me that everyone should read that book.

May be this year I will.

2. Smile at a complete stranger

We all stay in the concrete jungle...running from pillars to posts living the big city dream. No one has time to stop and stare... forget about smiling. Someone who knows me one day had mentioned that "Bandi when you walk on the road why do you always look like you are running against time? Frowning and calculating every minute."

To me it seemed the most natural thing to do. But today at this crossroad I am thinking... if I just stop and stare and smile at a stranger... and walk up to him/her and say... "Hey I couldn't help but observe that you have really pretty eyes..."

You think I will get shunned? I don't think so. Why is it that we don't think twice before smiling at a kid but will avoid even eye contact with an adult. The fear of being judged? Time to find out why!

(Not only did I smile...I had a conversation with a stranger)

3. Sing karaoke.

This is think is one of the toughest things on the list here for me... I like to think I am good singer...when I sing along... but just reading out the words off a screen and singing.... hmm that will be something. May be it will happen then year when I go to Goa... after 3 shots of double tequila :)

4. Go camping.

Camping. Hmmm to many its no big deal, but to an out and out city person like me...now that's something. A double man tent by the riverside is what I am thinking. My hubby the soldier will jump at the idea. So this is definitely the most doable. And done, it will be.

5. Go out on a date with myself Goa January 2018

Get dressed. Look my best. Make a reservation for just one person at the swankiest restaurant. Eat alone. Then take myself for a drink at my favourite bar. And finally finish it with watching "Before Midnight" when it hits the theater this year.

6. Take up an acting class.

Even if not a class definitely a workshop. Let go off all the inhibitions and do that one bit role. I actually wanted to put up "play an extra in some TV show." but thats stretching it a bit too far I think. :)


7. Update my blog once a week for the next 12 months (once every Thursday until 31st Jan 2018)

I read somewhere that "If the will to write is not accompanied by real writing then the will is to NOT write".  I know and the few friends who follow my blog knows that I have not been really (to put it mildly) regular with my writing.
Plus I should remember all the stories that I live everyday, so I can one day share it with my grandchildren.


8. Read one positive thought every day and Document it for 30 days in a row. 

When I was in college my best friend taught me to wake up every morning and say "I am ok. I am fine. Everybody loves me." Irrespective of what I actually felt. Apparently the Universe is listening.

So ya... 1 positive thought a day it is.

9. Go angling

You are never a true bong if you don't know how to catch fish.
Read a oneliner somewhere that said..."Vegetarian : Old English word for a bad hunter."

The carnivore that I am... How can I allow myself to be a bad hunter? Jokes apart... I have heard that the fun of angling is more about sitting by the riverside with a beer and wait for the fish to catch the bait. I don't care if I catch no fish. But just sitting around watching the river flow waiting for something that may or may not happen sounds relaxing enough.

10. Play the lottery.

I have never been lucky. But that shouldn't deter one from trying. One should never have any what-ifs in life.

11. Volunteer

We have spent our lives chasing dreams and climbing ladders. We have never once stopped to wonder what it's like to not have any dreams. Or worse still, to be too scared to even dream. If my efforts can bring a smile to even one person's face I would consider myself lucky.

12. Vote

I am 40 and I have wasted 22 years of my life not voting. Feel like a fool. I also know that this one wish I may not be able to fulfill even by the time I am 45. But I will try nevertheless. Reason enough for this to be number 12 on the list I guess.

13.  Create something and sell it

The joy of creating something pretty is amazing. But with that is the bigger joy of being able to sell it.
I am yet to figure out what is it that I can sell... but whatever it is I am sure I can get my friends to buy it at-least.

(achieved with with my facebook page... and what pleasure it gives :) )

14. Quit a bad habit.

This should be easy, considering that I have multiple bad habits. I now only need to decide which bad habit I love the least. My friends and family I am sure can think of a few that they want me to quit. Unfortunately they are not at the top of my list.

I am thinking giving up my sedentary life style should be one. My husband will be happiest to read this. But sweetie I also request you to not breathe down my neck asking me when I plan to work on it.

15. Replace my regular tea with green tea for 30 days.

Replacing regular tea with green tea is a great idea from the good health point of view. But who are we kidding it also has the same snoot factor as power yoga :)

16. Bake bread from scratch.

I will never forget the day I went for dinner at one of my friends house... there was all kinds of bread... and what more... all hand made. I suddenly felt like a burden on the face of the earth. So the deal is... I am gonna achieve this. Atleast once. Fresh bread made from scratch.

17. Take a ride in a helicopter

This may be difficult for some... But I am thinking not for me... considering I have more pilot friends than the average Joe.

18. Take up Dancing

I love dancing. This is was a passion that I picked up really early on in life. That time I never actually appreciated the dance lessons I used to take. However now I can give an arm and a leg to go back and relearn it. I will also. Just a matter of time.

19. Walk in the rain, and jump in all the puddles

As a kid I used to sit around stare out of the window at the raindrops falling on the leaves of the trees, the smell of the wet earth can still take me back to those days. The memories of riding my bicycle in the rain with my school bag secured in the plastic cover brings a smile to my face. I would love to relive the simple pleasures of an innocent mind. With the monsoons just around the corner. This should be the first one ticked off the list.

20. Take public transportation for a month. 

When was the last time I boarded a bus to go from place A to place B? I don't remember. When was the last time hailing a cab or an auto or taking my car or scooter was NOT the most obvious option? I can't remember. Hence the need to undo that. To fulfill the urge to go back to basics.

21. Learn how to belly dance

There is nothing more elegant than learning an exotic dance form. Belly Dancing has always intrigued me and like they say there is never a bad time to learn a good thing.

22. Learn to change a tyre  

Every woman driver should know how to change a tyre. Especially so me. Coz my biggest fear since I learnt to drive was, "What if I have a flat?" Time I took charge of that situation.

23. Go visit a psychic

I am a cynic as far anything supernatural is concerned. But I would really like to experience what its like to visit a psychic. I am sure it will be an experience to share. Another short story to add to my collection.

24. Bungee jump

Bungee jumping is that ultimate leap of faith. That moment before you go in head first can be life changing or so I have heard. Jumping off knowing fully well that your life is at the mercy of technology like the cable that is fastened to you. Well to say the least it can be a pretty humbling experience.

25. Be a qualified paraglider

I want 2017 to be the year I started my first leg of paragliding training. All info has been found out. All I now need to do is sign up for the course.

26. Attain my perfect weight

This is going to be bloody difficult. I aim to reach 60kgs by December 31st. I know that the husband is laughing. But as I always maintained accepting the flaw is half the battle won. 

27. Take ballroom dancing lessons

Even if this is just a workshop for a few hours. I am gonna do this sometime. With the husband. So buckle up sweety. You are in for a surprise. 

28. Dance on the bar counter

The sheer joy of being completely uninhibited. I don't know any bar in India that allows this. But well this is definitely one of them must dos on my list.

29. Backpack around the 3 states in North India (Any three)

This has been on my wish list for ever. The map has been chalked out. Completing this route is and will be a long time dream come true.

30. Limit my online time (for a month to start with)

Going forward my online time will be reduced to only a few hrs a day apart from what is absolutely necessary for my job. So that means much less of me on FB or Gtalk. But my writing will continue. Documenting my thoughts, so when Hrusha is all grown up she can really know who her mother was. And all that I went through at various stages of my life. 

31. Do Vipassana once every year

This is a promise to myself that I am going to calm my mind. Come what may. What better way to do that than by Vipassana. So one very important goal for 2017 is a 10 day course of Vipassana.

32. Write emails 

Yes Write emails, to every person I can think of thanking them for the effect they had on my life. I recently realized that we don't thank the people in our lives enough. And at times that results in them not knowing how important they are in our lives. Over the next 4.5 yrs I wish to change that. 

33. Work as a part-time bartender

The mental list I had made for my 40 before 40 was to learn bartending. Which I did, now it's time to put those skills to test. So yea atleast once before I turn 45, I plan to work as a part-time bartender. 

34Move from Social Media to Real world

We all have so many friends... on Social media, I plan to touch base and connect with each one of them, and catch up with them over coffee or a bite over the next few years. People that I can't connect with, need not be on my list :)

35. Take a vacation All alone Goa Jan 2018

You only discover your self and your roots once your step out of your comfort zone. I am itching to achieve the goal of one vacation all alone, to the place of my choice. 

36. Visit one exotic off beat foreign country with husband

Don't know where and definitely don't know when... will keep this space open :)

37. Watch all the Sex and the city seasons with my BFFs

Sex and the city! I know sounds childish but truthfully that's the first ever girl bonding series that we have grown up with. So why not?

(achieved!)

38. Learn the Punjabi language.

Bongs and Punju's have this connect. Don't ask me what... but they do. This will be difficult, but being in Delhi for the next few months shouldn't be Rocket Science. 

39. Learn how to ride a bullet

This will be very difficult as my husband is more protective of his bullet than of me... But hmm that should all the more be the reason to make it to my bucket list.

40. Document my bartending Journal

I need to document the bartending recipe book and make it digital. Else all my effort will be down the drain. 

41. Give a heartfelt surprise to someone

It’s always heartwarming to come home to a nicely cooked dinner, to have a bouquet of flowers sent to you at work, or to even receive a simple text message from a loved one. Touch one person that means the most to you... Plan a surprise and make his/her day :)

42.Get a drink for a stranger

We all have our good and bad days, why not make someone's bad day good and good day better? It happened with me once, we were in Leh and talking to two firefighters from Canada, once they left the restaurant and we were to pay the bill for the dinner we were told that it was already paid for. I will never forget that feeling or those two people. Next time I go out drinking/coffee I plan to buy one round of Drinks for a stranger. 

43.Pack my bags and set off for a random location with no itinerary

I know most items on the list are travel related, can't help it... I am a gypsy soul. But travelling comes with its share of planning and meticulous execution... what if we dont plan at all? Will travel still be as much fun? Time to try out. 

44. Try a three week diet of vegetarianism, veganism, raw veganism

Why? Because for a hardcore non vegetarian, I have made fun of most my friends most my life. But Never tried the above mentioned diets. 

There are constantly debates on the pros and cons of a veg*n diet, and my though to that is… Try it out for myself and draw the conclusions myself! Even if I don’t stick with a vegan diet at the end, at least I’d know how it’s really like!

45. Plan a perfect Romantic getaway

With all our tight schedules, it’s very difficult to set up quality time with our significant other. I plan to bring back the spark in the relationship by going on a romantic getaway! Be it a dreamy vacation or a simple staycation, anywhere is romantic as long as we’re spending quality time with the person we love.

Having a getaway every once in a while is also beneficial for the relationship as it allows both of partners to spend quality time with each other, as opposed to being weighed down by day-to-day responsibilities.